Match Report: Leonidas Cornelius Muffinmaker confirms a Holstons victory

A match game of base ball was purported to have been played east of town today in Colonel Ramsey’s garden between the Knoxville Holstons and the Travellers of Brentwood. Our usual reporter at the base ball matches was said to be seen at the Market House standing in long lines with hundreds of our townspeople as well as scores of visitors who were drawn like moths to the flame by the sumptuous aroma of fresh-baked biscuits that wafted through the streets. As such, another reporter was quickly dispatched to the depot to await the return of our club’s ballists and Travellers making their way back across the Cumberlands.

Only eight Travellers were counted disembarking from the No. 2 train. While they waited for the No. 1 express to reach town on its journey west, a few of the Middle Tennessee ballists told our reporter that they had won the affair by tallying 8 aces to the Holstons 5. Shortly thereafter, Holston scouts Lightning and Lil’ Skeeter slipped past our reporter before the Travellers account could be confirmed. But just as our paper was being readied for the printing press, Leonidas Cornelius Muffinmaker, the Great Prophet of the Smokies, who occasionally comes down from the mountains to serve as an arbiter, entered our offices with a basket filled of muffins in one hand. He passed out muffins to everyone in the room as he began to share an incredible account of the match.

Muffinmaker told a tale of an artist in the garden and a muckle at the dish named Dimples, who, though but a day over the legal age required to engage in the sport of base ball, wowed the spectators and left with a game ball. The legendary mountain baker and storyteller then put his basket of muffins down long enough to describe a sudden and catastrophic seat and fly seam failure that resulted in a second wardrobe malfunction for Sour Mash in as many matches. As soon as we inquired as to the final tally of aces, the muffin artisan paused for what seemed a fortnight as he caught a whiff of biscuits that suddenly permeated our offices thanks to a brisk late spring breeze. Muffinmaker soon came to his senses and confirmed a victory in the Holstons favor on the grounds that the Travellers arrived with only eight members of their club rather than the required nine.

Before he bid farewell, Muffinmaker told us that the Travellers arrived at Colonel Ramsey’s with news that the sage noblemen of the Stewart’s Creek Scouts have offered a challenge to the Holstons to do battle on the fabled Ramsey grounds in two weeks’ time. The Scouts seek to avenge the bitter ash of defeat from last summer’s Holston curse in which the home nine silenced Triton’s “wreathed horn” with a succession of toots from Bugle Boy’s cherished instrument.